i've always been aware that im slowly getting older and more mature. and the fact that you can notice it is something i've come to accept. unlike when we were kids when everything seems to be the same old problem-free world where nothing changes. but recently, i noticed that my priorities have changed, my lifestyle has changed, conversation topics have changed... you get the idea. but what really made the whole 'i feel so old' feeling sink in was when i attended the high school graduation of my brother.

you see, i have four siblings. two older brothers, an older sister, and a younger brother. we all studied high school in de la salle zobel in alabang and all of us started out in junior prep... as in four years old... and we all finished high school there. my eldest brother gradauted from hs in 1996, the other in 1997. my sister graduated 1999, me in 2000, and now my youngest brother just graduated, 2004.

anyway, back to the grad...

when our brother's name was about to be called, us four siblings (and zobel alumni at that), decided to stand up near the edge of the balcony and make a scene. scandalous as we naturally are, we yelled, cheered, and shouted as our brother's name was called. imagine the relatively quiet zobel theater, filled with a rather bored audience because of the insanely long program, suddenly filled with shouts and cheers from us four... proudly screaming that he was the last one of 'us' to ever graduate from zobel.

(for all those who know me and my family, you can just imagine how noisy we were... the cabigas kids screaming together... wild, i swear).

everyone was looking at us after that, either smiling or laughing or clapping their hands. except of course for mrs. boyles (zobel's 'favorite' administrator, hehe.) who was probably cursing as we were yelling. sayang nga kasi i wasn't able to see her face when we were screaming.

anyway, back to me realizing i've grown up...

the moment i heard one of my brothers yell 'last one na 'yan!', that's when it hit me. i just couldn't believe that after how many years, all of us have finally completed our stay in zobel. it's weird. the moment he said that, images suddenly started flashing before my eyes, just like the movies. like the times when us five would walk in the streets inside zobel then someone would shout "ben!" then all of us would look... (all my brothers and i are named 'ben' by the way). when i used to pick up my younger at the prep area and i was still grade three then... when my mom picks us up then we would all head straight to mang teo's chinese food stall in the canteen then buy twenty dumplings, five kuchay pies, and five drinks... (baboy namin talaga, hanggang ngayon). how our teachers would ask in the beginning of the school year "pang-ilang ben ka? may susunod pa ba sa'yo?"... and other stuff like that.

hay nako. it just feels weird that there won't be any cabigases in zobel anymore (until our kids of course). and it feels even weirder knowing my younger brother is in college already. to add to that, majority of my batchmates from zobel just graduated from college! aargh! it's like everyone i know simultaneously took another step higher in the staircase of maturity.

it's weird that we now have less reasons to go to alabang, where we all spent thirteen years of our lives. its weird that my friends whom i used to just horse around with in high school will now be part of the 'employed'. its weird that in my family, the youngest member is in college already when just a few years ago (as in high school) i used to view college students as those mature and old people who are into serious things like thesis and practicum. its weird that three of my siblings are now working when we all just used to wake up in the morning together, drink our milk and head off to zobel before the 8 AM bell rings.

oh well...

i still have a year to go until i graduate from college. oo, fifth year na ako. but im actually excited to see the freshmen as they walk around la salle. that young, energetic, and happy group of people. all new, fresh, ignorant and carefree. then i'll look at myself and realize that even if that time for me has passed, it'll always be nice to look back and just remember how good it once was.