There is so much I've been wanting to blog about yet I've obviously never had the time nor the opportunity to squeeze even a little bit of the 'writer' part of my brain. Ugh. Don't you just hate it when a blogger talks about not being able to blog in a blog post? The irony.
* * * * *
Well I've ran three races since my last post. I ran the 15km Philippine Independence Day Run, the 15km New Balance Trail Adventure run in Nuvali, and I ran my first 21km at the Standard Chartered Kuala Lumpur Marathon, which was also my first overseas run.
I'd love to talk more about those races but, unfortunately, I'm using a different laptop and all the photos are at home. Next time.
* * * * *
So I'll just talk about myself. There is no denying that I like talking about myself. Duh, I named my blog after myself. I just used the word "myself" in all the sentences of this paragraph including this one.
For some reason, the universe has been testing my strongest personal traits lately. My confidence, self-esteem, will power. All these have been put to the test lately and, quite frankly, the universe has been doing a damn good job.
Let's take will power first. I can't write the details but let's just say there are certain desirable situations that I can easily get myself into if I wanted to but I normally stop myself from doing so because it's pointless and irrelevant to my life. Like me driving on a road that has a dead end: the ride can be fun and enjoyable but it really won't get me anywhere. I've seen myself driving along that useless road lately and it ends just the same way it always has -- a dead end. I just realize that it's useless to even go on this road so I stop. The worst part about that kind of realization is that I know it was useless in the first place but I still pushed through with it. What an idiot.
Then there's confidence. This morning, in fact, was the moment in which my confidence was put to test. Like a raging bull facing a matador. The question is, who was the bull and who was the matador? In bull fights, the bull normally ends up with a sword up his spine. I went through an interview this morning. It wasn't a job interview per se but passing that interview could get me closer to something I have desired for years. I'd say that interview this morning was the most difficult interview I have gone through in my life and trust me, I've been through a lot of them. The worst part is, that was just considered as a preliminary interview. I can only imagine what the actual interview will be like. Ugh. At one point while I was answering a question, I had this vision of a plane with its engines on fire crashing somewhere in the middle of nowhere with the pilot shouting "Mayday! Mayday!". I swear, what a terrible way to start my morning.
And now, self-esteem. My most prized non-material possession. Warning: I'll be a little arrogant for a few sentences here. You see, I've been blessed with a lot of self-esteem. As to why I'm like that, I have no idea. I'm not even handsome, rich, hot, or intelligent (though in my head sometimes I'm like that, haha). I've been through a lot of incredibly embarrassing hide-under-a-rock-forever scenarios but I managed to either smile through it all or laugh at it in the face.
However, a week ago, an arrow struck me straight through the heart. I received this little news that said that I cannot get what I want because I am _____ and _____, etc. That bloody arrow struck me so hard that I found myself drinking three bottles of Red Horse when I got home that day. I don't even think that has even happened to me before -- drinking off frustrations. Worst part is, my feeling of being distraught and dejected lasted a few more days afterward. I normally get over bad news very, very quickly but this was different. I lost a fight that I would usually win and I wasn't used to it. It was definitely a kick in the balls.
These were all basically mental challenges. Mind games the universe chose to play with me lately. I have moved on for some of these challenges and some of it are still on-going. As to why these things have been happening to me in such short a time, I don't know.
All I know is that I don't want to be a bull with a sword up his spine. Here's to hoping.
* * * * *
Well I've ran three races since my last post. I ran the 15km Philippine Independence Day Run, the 15km New Balance Trail Adventure run in Nuvali, and I ran my first 21km at the Standard Chartered Kuala Lumpur Marathon, which was also my first overseas run.
I'd love to talk more about those races but, unfortunately, I'm using a different laptop and all the photos are at home. Next time.
* * * * *
So I'll just talk about myself. There is no denying that I like talking about myself. Duh, I named my blog after myself. I just used the word "myself" in all the sentences of this paragraph including this one.
For some reason, the universe has been testing my strongest personal traits lately. My confidence, self-esteem, will power. All these have been put to the test lately and, quite frankly, the universe has been doing a damn good job.
Let's take will power first. I can't write the details but let's just say there are certain desirable situations that I can easily get myself into if I wanted to but I normally stop myself from doing so because it's pointless and irrelevant to my life. Like me driving on a road that has a dead end: the ride can be fun and enjoyable but it really won't get me anywhere. I've seen myself driving along that useless road lately and it ends just the same way it always has -- a dead end. I just realize that it's useless to even go on this road so I stop. The worst part about that kind of realization is that I know it was useless in the first place but I still pushed through with it. What an idiot.
Then there's confidence. This morning, in fact, was the moment in which my confidence was put to test. Like a raging bull facing a matador. The question is, who was the bull and who was the matador? In bull fights, the bull normally ends up with a sword up his spine. I went through an interview this morning. It wasn't a job interview per se but passing that interview could get me closer to something I have desired for years. I'd say that interview this morning was the most difficult interview I have gone through in my life and trust me, I've been through a lot of them. The worst part is, that was just considered as a preliminary interview. I can only imagine what the actual interview will be like. Ugh. At one point while I was answering a question, I had this vision of a plane with its engines on fire crashing somewhere in the middle of nowhere with the pilot shouting "Mayday! Mayday!". I swear, what a terrible way to start my morning.
And now, self-esteem. My most prized non-material possession. Warning: I'll be a little arrogant for a few sentences here. You see, I've been blessed with a lot of self-esteem. As to why I'm like that, I have no idea. I'm not even handsome, rich, hot, or intelligent (though in my head sometimes I'm like that, haha). I've been through a lot of incredibly embarrassing hide-under-a-rock-forever scenarios but I managed to either smile through it all or laugh at it in the face.
However, a week ago, an arrow struck me straight through the heart. I received this little news that said that I cannot get what I want because I am _____ and _____, etc. That bloody arrow struck me so hard that I found myself drinking three bottles of Red Horse when I got home that day. I don't even think that has even happened to me before -- drinking off frustrations. Worst part is, my feeling of being distraught and dejected lasted a few more days afterward. I normally get over bad news very, very quickly but this was different. I lost a fight that I would usually win and I wasn't used to it. It was definitely a kick in the balls.
These were all basically mental challenges. Mind games the universe chose to play with me lately. I have moved on for some of these challenges and some of it are still on-going. As to why these things have been happening to me in such short a time, I don't know.
All I know is that I don't want to be a bull with a sword up his spine. Here's to hoping.
1 comment:
hey ben! glad to see you're back to blogging. we have to catch up soon k? :)
J
Post a Comment