When people find out that I resigned from my job in Malaysia they, of course, ask me why. Most of the time, I tell them that I had issues with work and that I had been working there for almost three years anyway so it was really time to move on. Well, I really had issues with the work. But the real story is that around November of last year, after my mind-clearing trip to Phuket, I had decided to stay in Malaysia until the end of 2009. Finish the entire year then start anew the following year.
That was the plan, at least.
My father has had Alzheimer's disease for around three or four years now. He's just 62 years old so he acquired it at a rather early age. When I left to work abroad, the disease was not as pronounced yet. Just a few forgetful moments here and there. Every time I went home for a visit though, there was always a noticeable difference in the way he spoke or moved or responded to certain situations. Only when I arrived this April and being home for hours and hours each day have I really, truly, experienced and understood what it means to have a father with Alzheimer's disease.
No, that's not yet the reason why I came back but I want to talk about Alzheimer's a wee bit more.
The disease is actually a form of dementia though not the type where you have hallucinations or visions of aliens landing on earth. And it's not just about the person being forgetful. Alzheimer's alters the way you process your surroundings and things that used to be so normal to you suddenly becomes confusing. My dad gets disoriented easily especially with his surroundings or the things that he does. He can get lost at home. He won't remember if he had already eaten so he just looks for food 15 minutes after having lunch. He'll ask you the same question twice or thrice in a span of a minute. Many, many things.
My dad requires a caregiver and constant companion. My Mom wholeheartedly took that job right away. She bathes him, dresses him up, and accompanies him wherever he goes. You'll probably get a very good idea of what love really is when you see my Mom take care of Dad. We assist in all of these and one of us kids has to be within the immediate vicinity at all times. In a way it's kind of sad to see your father not know how to dress up on his own -- wearing a sock confuses him like he doesn't know what it's for. It's sad to think that this is the same dad that used to swim laps on the deeper ends of the sea whenever we were at the beach and no one would ever be worried if you'd see him again or not. Or the same dad that symbolized what a corporate executive was to me. Or the same dad that devoured books and answered all those crossword puzzles every Sunday.
Don't worry, we're not sad. Alzheimer's brings with it a lot of humor but that's another story.
During a trip to his hometown in Ilocos last December, Dad suffered a seizure. After a few tests, we found out that he had a huge tumor on his liver and that it was serious. Our doctors said that if it's confirmed that it's liver cancer, he may only have six months. I went home last December but was not yet here when they found out. I decided to resign and return to Manila for good during that trip.
This January, my dad suffered another seizure and it was confirmed that he has liver cancer. It's been six months and this morning I was still having breakfast with him. Six months my ass.
My dad looks fine. He's not in pain nor is he bedridden. I haven't seen any manifestation of his cancer yet. However, possible complications that can arise from his Alzheimer's and previous heart condition disallows chemotherapy or surgery.
We don't really talk about it but in a way, we're just waiting. You know. And until that time I will enjoy my time with Dad.
Belated Happy Father's Day.
Note: Apologies to friends who will find out about this only through this blog. I wanted to tell you all personally, of course, but spreading bad news isn't very enjoyable.
That was the plan, at least.
My father has had Alzheimer's disease for around three or four years now. He's just 62 years old so he acquired it at a rather early age. When I left to work abroad, the disease was not as pronounced yet. Just a few forgetful moments here and there. Every time I went home for a visit though, there was always a noticeable difference in the way he spoke or moved or responded to certain situations. Only when I arrived this April and being home for hours and hours each day have I really, truly, experienced and understood what it means to have a father with Alzheimer's disease.
No, that's not yet the reason why I came back but I want to talk about Alzheimer's a wee bit more.
Me, Dad, & Mom. Photo taken on December 2006.
The disease is actually a form of dementia though not the type where you have hallucinations or visions of aliens landing on earth. And it's not just about the person being forgetful. Alzheimer's alters the way you process your surroundings and things that used to be so normal to you suddenly becomes confusing. My dad gets disoriented easily especially with his surroundings or the things that he does. He can get lost at home. He won't remember if he had already eaten so he just looks for food 15 minutes after having lunch. He'll ask you the same question twice or thrice in a span of a minute. Many, many things.
My dad requires a caregiver and constant companion. My Mom wholeheartedly took that job right away. She bathes him, dresses him up, and accompanies him wherever he goes. You'll probably get a very good idea of what love really is when you see my Mom take care of Dad. We assist in all of these and one of us kids has to be within the immediate vicinity at all times. In a way it's kind of sad to see your father not know how to dress up on his own -- wearing a sock confuses him like he doesn't know what it's for. It's sad to think that this is the same dad that used to swim laps on the deeper ends of the sea whenever we were at the beach and no one would ever be worried if you'd see him again or not. Or the same dad that symbolized what a corporate executive was to me. Or the same dad that devoured books and answered all those crossword puzzles every Sunday.
Don't worry, we're not sad. Alzheimer's brings with it a lot of humor but that's another story.
Mom & Dad. Photo taken December 2008.
During a trip to his hometown in Ilocos last December, Dad suffered a seizure. After a few tests, we found out that he had a huge tumor on his liver and that it was serious. Our doctors said that if it's confirmed that it's liver cancer, he may only have six months. I went home last December but was not yet here when they found out. I decided to resign and return to Manila for good during that trip.
This January, my dad suffered another seizure and it was confirmed that he has liver cancer. It's been six months and this morning I was still having breakfast with him. Six months my ass.
My dad looks fine. He's not in pain nor is he bedridden. I haven't seen any manifestation of his cancer yet. However, possible complications that can arise from his Alzheimer's and previous heart condition disallows chemotherapy or surgery.
We don't really talk about it but in a way, we're just waiting. You know. And until that time I will enjoy my time with Dad.
Note: Apologies to friends who will find out about this only through this blog. I wanted to tell you all personally, of course, but spreading bad news isn't very enjoyable.
6 comments:
I honor you, Ben, for your courageous honesty to share what you and family are going through. It sure isn't easy.
When a baby messes up his/her food or poops in his/her pants, it's cute (sometimes, he he)...but when a parent reaches a point that s/he has become physically dependent, every child's heart gets broken. Every single time that happens. That's why at home, I sound like a broken record. I take every opportunity to tell my mom how much I love her...while she still can recognize me and understand what I mean.
You and your family are in my prayers.
Namaste.
Hi Chona,
Thank you for your words. Yes, the first time I ever assisted my Mom in bathing Dad, it felt incredibly weird. But that's how it is.
Now, I see it as a way for me to express my love to my Dad. Like giving back to him all the love he ever gave me when he still 'remembered' it.
Om
Benny Boy! I found your blog again and I'm so happy that you're still active.Ü
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I know you didn't intend to make people cry with your entry, but I have to tell you that I cried. We saw each other recently in Festival and your dad looked super okay. Well. Your mom is the sweetest and I admire her for being the person who'd want to take care of your dad, I mean, instead of getting a caregiver.
I was in tears Ben because my mom's brother has also been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. I just don't know how bad it is, but yeah, I gotta agree with you how much humor comes out of it in most situations.
I'll talk to you soon. I'll compare notes with you. This uncle of mine does not have a family.
Russ! *hug*
Don't worry, he's really super fine. You saw him. He just needs to be with someone 24/7 that's why Ba-be and I were there with him while Mom was doing the grocery in Festival.
One thing pala I failed to mention, he can't be without my Mom. If my Mom leaves without him, he will constantly look for her and he gets stressed. Cute noh? So we bring him along wherever my Mom goes.
I'm sorry about your uncle. Yeah, let's meet up soon and compare notes. I don't know anyone else dealing with Alzheimer's.
In the midst of something serious and something that literally makes you forget, he always looks for your mom -- ang galing ng pag-ibig!
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