Bleak Future?

Fahrenheit Suites, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.

It's 4:40 AM and I can't sleep.  I just came from a business trip in Cincinnati, Ohio and I decided to come here to relax after an expected busy two weeks.  I've met up with my good friends over here and will be off to the airport in a few hours to fly home.

My mind is all over the place.  Never have I thought that I'd be in a situation like this.  On the one hand, there's work which has actually been really nice to me in spite of the added stress and responsibilities.  I cannot be more thankful that I have a job like this that challenges me and one that has a visible path in front of it.  Then there's my personal life.  Which is a mess.  I'm in the typical late 20's debt stage that's annoying.  Manageable but annoying.  Then there are my forever stubborn decisions when it comes to emotional attachment.  I do not even want to go into details on that one.

Then there's family.  I have a father who's dying, a mother who takes care of him, a family with limited resources, and a family business that is reaching the end of the road.  I sometimes wonder if my self-proclaimed high EQ is really just an illusion.  I may actually be under tremendous amounts of stress but I just don't know it.

I have stopped exercising.  Me.  The fitness freak who used to eat nothing but chicken breast, who would not smoke, and who's good at yoga.  That's all history right now.

I'm troubled.  I used to write a lot about my life and how much I feel so excited about the future.  About how life will offer good things for me and I will embrace them all wholeheartedly.  Unfortunately, the future will bring nothing but reality to me.  That my father will die soon.  That my mother will swim in the emotions that will come afterward.  That the family business that has supported us for decades will soon close shop.  That I will be the one in a brood of five that that is in the best position to sustain a household.

That life will change.  Soon.  And I do not know if it will be for the better.