I have always had difficulty reconciling my religious beliefs with my sexual orientation. I am both Catholic and gay. I grew up with a very religious grandmother, parents, and studied in Catholic schools until college. Though I am not a poster child for Catholicism, I subscribe to its teachings. I also, however, know that my sexual orientation has been this way since I was born. As a young boy growing up, I never viewed myself as heterosexual. I always knew what I was. And this was never a choice I made.
The very recent decision of the U.S. Supreme Court to legalize gay marriage has made me think about this predicament of mine all over again. When I read the text on the image yesterday, I almost cried. The only thing that really stopped me from shedding tears was that I was in the office and I never cry in public. Going through my social media feeds this past twenty four hours, I can't help but feel so happy seeing the collective jubilation around the world but more importantly, in my circle of friends and family who support this decision. I feel like I can hear a crowd rejoicing from afar, only I cannot really hear the cheers. I only see it on photos and feel it around me.
Then there are the messages of disagreement. Opposing views and opinions of people who do not share my smile when I hear the cheers in my head. I admit, when I read status messages of my friends who do not share my views, I get angry. While browsing through Facebook just now, I could not help myself from feeling so disappointed that there are people around me who cannot seem to understand the underlying reasons why gay marriage is indeed a right for all.
Then I think about the predicament I am in. My anger comes from that side of me that believes that love is love and the state does not have the right to disallow its institutions from recognizing the union of two people, regardless of sexual orientation or race, in marriage. Then comes that other side of me who, for so long, has constantly tried to resist and hold back from loving someone the way two people who get married would love one another. My anger then fades away as I come to understand the views of others and where they are coming from.
As you can imagine, it can be a roller coaster of emotions in just a few minutes.
I needed to get this out. I'm happy that something was able to bring me to write on this journal again.
The very recent decision of the U.S. Supreme Court to legalize gay marriage has made me think about this predicament of mine all over again. When I read the text on the image yesterday, I almost cried. The only thing that really stopped me from shedding tears was that I was in the office and I never cry in public. Going through my social media feeds this past twenty four hours, I can't help but feel so happy seeing the collective jubilation around the world but more importantly, in my circle of friends and family who support this decision. I feel like I can hear a crowd rejoicing from afar, only I cannot really hear the cheers. I only see it on photos and feel it around me.
Then there are the messages of disagreement. Opposing views and opinions of people who do not share my smile when I hear the cheers in my head. I admit, when I read status messages of my friends who do not share my views, I get angry. While browsing through Facebook just now, I could not help myself from feeling so disappointed that there are people around me who cannot seem to understand the underlying reasons why gay marriage is indeed a right for all.
Then I think about the predicament I am in. My anger comes from that side of me that believes that love is love and the state does not have the right to disallow its institutions from recognizing the union of two people, regardless of sexual orientation or race, in marriage. Then comes that other side of me who, for so long, has constantly tried to resist and hold back from loving someone the way two people who get married would love one another. My anger then fades away as I come to understand the views of others and where they are coming from.
As you can imagine, it can be a roller coaster of emotions in just a few minutes.
I needed to get this out. I'm happy that something was able to bring me to write on this journal again.
No comments:
Post a Comment