Goodbye Feelings

When people ask me how I feel now that I'm three days shy of my last day in the company and just ten days 'til my return to Manila, I don't give them one emotion or one answer.

It's a range of feelings, really. I'm excited to go home. I'm sad that I'm leaving. I feel nostalgic about the things I've done here. I feel bad that I wasn't able to do some stuff I wanted to do. I feel happy about the things I've experienced here. I feel worried about the changes in my life when I get back. I feel confident about myself with these changes. I'm anxious to know how I will be when I go home. I feel obligated to visit my former yoga teachers before leaving. I feel like I need to buy the stuff I've wanted to buy here because once I get back home, I'll be poor. At the same time I feel like I need to save money now and NOT buy anything because I know I'll be poor and unemployed when I get home. I feel excited to leave all the smelly people here. I feel confused about what I'll be doing after Malaysia. I feel excited about this uncertainty though. I think a lot about what job I'll be looking for. I feel like I generally have no regrets here in Malaysia except that I didn't buy a car when I got here. That would have changed a lot of things. I know I'll miss my friends here but I also know that we'll always see each other again.

Wow.

I swear I just typed that entire paragraph straight from my head. I think in short sentences.

Thanks to the three month notice period I had to give my company when I resigned, I managed to make some action items or a to-do list before I left Malaysia and a specific time frame to do them in an effort to reduce the "Sana I went to..", "What if I..", "Saying I didn't.." comments you'd always hear from someone who arrived home from somewhere after a long absence.

Right now, I'm currently on a mission to search for my former yoga teachers and attend their classes one last time (and take photos of them). I learned yoga here. The foundations of my practice were laid here in Malaysia and I owe it all to them, really. Ever since Yoga Zone closed shop last year, we all scattered to different places and the 10+ teachers whose classes I attended regularly were suddenly so difficult to find. I'm preparing a blog post on this soon enough (with scientific data, promise even I got shocked at myself).

Saying goodbye to what I will look back to as a very crucial and life-changing period of my life has been easy because I managed to treat it as a process rather than a sudden event that shocks you to your balls. Nobody wants those to be shocked right? I know that a little over a week from now, I'll be boarding a plane with a smile on my face because God gave me two years and ten months of great memories and greater experiences that I will cherish and remember for as long as I will live.